I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
