I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
