Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
