People with herpes should wear stickers.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
