Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
