Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
This house was built for laser tag.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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