Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Sorry my hands just texted you
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Randomize
