Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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