If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
