I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
