good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
