Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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