wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
