Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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