the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
