I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
