Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
