We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Randomize
