dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
