we have pet lesbian snakes
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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