Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
