i need an iv and a liver transplant
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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