My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
