Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
