Small penises have feelings too.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
