I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
