Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
