I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
