let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
