hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
