I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
