God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
someone get that fucking seahorse.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize