Umm I'm too high to move.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
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