apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
