his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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