theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
