Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
