i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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