How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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