I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
