Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Randomize
