Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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