there was a trapeze. enough said
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
