I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
