how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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