gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
don't judge my taste in strippers
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
