don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
