I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
So much Jack, so little girl.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
