If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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