I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
