The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
