I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
