I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
