She said her name was "party"
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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