I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
They have beer where we have blood.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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