Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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