That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
