Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize