im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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