apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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