Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
